I don’t want to pray a word God will not hear, I do not wish to utter a word which will never be fulfilled; I cannot, may not preach a sermon which will not reach, and I cannot give a step which is not strong and sure. I wish to be myself always as I move in God (I don’t want to feel like a stranger with God, in heaven above or in His fires now), I wish to be always strong and like Him as if I have always been that way, simple and with one little touch be of one mind with Him. I don’t want to be like a blind man whose sight has been opened and he does not know how to move about without touching still, nor like a deaf person whose ears have been opened and he cannot discern the sounds to which his ears have been opened to. What is a word in prayer worth if it does not reach God promptly, to what service is a word from my mouth if it remains unfulfilled; if I waste my breath preaching and God is not seen, if I resemble uncertainty because I am not so sure and pretend to be sure still, to what profit do I work then? If I do not feel at home among the fires of God, if I become startled when the red sea opens up and dance with Miriam and am not quiet like Moses, why should I wish and desire to go to heaven then if I do not feel at home and at ease with Him? Why should the Lord open my eyes if I wish to move around still touching as I go? My ears will always remind me of my previous darkness if the sound of truth is still unknown to me and I will ask, “Why have my ears been opened after all?” All I want and wish for is a normal relationship with God. Lord, why does it sound as if I am asking too much if my desire is simple and easy to reach somehow? Is this what it means to be a friend to You? Can I be Your friend Lord as if I have always been and as if I never knew anything else?

                                                     José Mateus