(Introduction)(Dial.1)(Dial.2)(Dial.3)(Dial.4)(Dial.5)(Dial.6)(Dial.7)(Dial.8)(Dial.9)(Dial.10)

(Dial.11)(Dial.12)(Dial.13)(Dial.14)(Dial.15)(Dial.16)(Dial.17)DIALOGUE 18(Dial.19)(Dial.20)

BITTERNESS 

DIRTY_C: There are times when I feel upset and angry for no reason at all. I feel like hitting anyone who talks to me. I hate it to be in a bad mood, especially because people see it and I feel ashamed about it.

CLEAN_C: The good news is that as soon as you clean up your whole life that kind of bad mood dies away easily.

DIRTY_C: How so?

CLEAN_C: Let me explain – once more!

DIRTY_C: Please. I cannot recall you talking about it.

CLEAN_C: We have talked a thousand times about you cleaning your life immediately. Remember?

DIRTY_C: Oh no, not again the same speech! You are tiring me out! When I go to sleep, I hear your voice saying, “Clean up!” If you talk to me about it again, I think I will think it over to go somewhere else where I can’t hear you again.

CLEAN_C: I hope you don’t do that, though. You won’t have peace because wherever you go, you will be taking the heart you have along. It will be with you as you go. And there is a chance God will hinder you using any means He sees fit to use for or against you. You cannot allow bitterness to play around with your heart as a cat plays with a mouse.

DIRTY_C: Please, don’t start desiring curses upon me! I am too tired to hear you telling me the same things over and over again.

CLEAN_C: Fine! You are the one who will continue to be angry and bitter. I have my share of peace. You don’t have any! And the promise is calling on you to include you into it – it includes anyone who does not harden himself in itself.

DIRTY_C: And how does it work that anger ceases once we clean up the way you are saying must be done?

CLEAN_C: I wouldn't say all kinds of anger exist because your heart is dirty, even though I believe most kinds of anger are direct consequences of filth in the heart which has not been thoroughly cleansed. All sins can be either directly responsible for more consequent sinning, just as any sin may be a consequence of being  separated from God. Some types of anger are the very things you need to be cleansed from and, some other times, anger is the consequence of the things you need to be cleansed from.

DIRTY_C: Explain it to me please. I have had many bad experiences with anger and bad temper.

CLEAN_C: There is the anger that makes you dirty and there is a kind of anger and bitterness that comes about because you are not clean. When you are far away from God because of any sin, including anger, your heart becomes a nest for bitterness and impatience. It can be described as lack of peace as well, which leads to many bad things. Anger is a kind of perversion when found in man.

DIRTY_C: I can’t see the difference between one and the other.

CLEAN_C: The kind of anger that makes you dirty in the sight of the Lord and stains your conscience separates you from God. Form that kind of anger you need to clean yourself up on the spot. Any such bad mood needs to be kicked out of you and confessed thoroughly to people against whom you have been angry and to God. After you have cleansed your whole life from that kind of filth, you need to learn to do the opposite of anger.

DIRTY_C: And the other kind of anger?

CLEAN_C: Let me explain it from the beginning. I feel I am explaining something you should know by yourself by now. You should be so near God by now and after you heard everything you heard, that light would help you distinguish between one and the other.

DIRTY_C: Don’t start condemning me again. Please carry on. I will try hard to understand and accept you point of view.

CLEAN_C: Have you ever seen a dry leaf on the ground, especially in the autumn?

DIRTY_C: Yes.

CLEAN_C: Can you guess which direction that leaf will take when the wind blows?

DIRTY_C: It will depend much on what direction the wind blows, I guess.

CLEAN_C: That’s right. Any person separated from God is like a dry leaf which is carried away according to the wind that blows upon it. When the wind comes from the left it will be blown in one direction and if the wind blows from the right, it will take the opposite direction. It has no power to avoid going the way the wind is blowing.

DIRTY_C: I understand.

CLEAN_C: Any person who is separated from God is taken in the direction the devil tempts to go. And if that man withstands the devil, he will only follow his own heart - even if it is against the devil. Wherever the winds of temptation blow, the person follows. The devil can cause your heart to be bitter and you will be bitter, impatient and angry even when it is over nothing. If the devil decides to tempt you with mean or dirty thoughts, you will be an easy prey to him and your mind will be blown into all directions. He will play with you as a cat plays with a mouse it has caught. You will be just like a dry leaf fighting against the wind or hoping the wind won’t blow. And those winds may even take you where you wouldn’t wish to go. Many people become homosexuals because they are handed over to their own sin. God hands people to themselves and anything can happen to them after that. God left them at random and anger, sex, or any other kinds of perversion or vices are what people will be blown to by owning their own hearts. “…They became vain in their imaginations, and their foolish heart was darkened… Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness through the lusts of their hearts, to dishonour...”, Rom.1:21,24.

DIRTY_C: If I were a leaf, I would be crying by listening to you! Your description is amazing and touching! It makes me more angry than I already am.

CLEAN_C: So, you think I am exaggerating? Anyone separated from God is like a dry leaf in the ground. Who shall hinder it being so?

DIRTY_C: Why do you keep telling me I am separated from God? Why do you keep pointing it out to me?

CLEAN_C: Because you told me you have never cleansed your life! That is why. If that is true, you are surely separated from God.

DIRTY_C: I have tried to cleanse my life many times. Yesterday, I even apologized to my mother for having been nasty and impatient to her. The only thing I felt bad about was that I could not pray in front of her about it. I felt ashamed to pray. She has never seen me praying before and she was staring at me. I tried hard to pray, but my heart wouldn’t.

CLEAN_C: I see. Maybe that is the reason why you are bitter today, because you have been ashamed of the Lord. You have been disobedient to Light. Perhaps, you are still suffering the effects of having been ashamed of God. It would be better if your mother thought you were crazy or something, than having you the way you find yourself in right now. At least, God wouldn’t deny you and your heart would feel somewhat better now. Whatever your mother would think about you, wouldn’t be a real problem, at least not as this one you have now. You still seek the honour of flesh and blood an that sort of problem exists only in your mind. It is not a serious problem at all. But, if God becomes ashamed of you, that is a huge problem! You should have that in mind, Luk.9:26.

DIRTY_C: You think I am bitter today because of that?

CLEAN_C: It might be! One never knows! I don’t think you would feel bitter for no reason.  

DIRTY_C: There are certain things one can’t do in public. Would you kiss your wife in front of people?

CLEAN_C: Perhaps, if I needed to apologize to her for something. One never knows. If I needed to, I surely would!

DIRTY_C: The thought to pray in front of her was insistent and I felt bad about it. It was so insisting that I thought it could be a temptation or something. I felt angry because it wouldn’t let me alone. I am still angry about it.

CLEAN_C: Now, I am sure you have been disobedient to the Lord!

DIRTY_C: You think so?

CLEAN_C: You have resisted the Holy Spirit and now your heart is affected by it and you are still refusing to acknowledge you should have done it.

DIRTY_C: How can it be? Why, do you think, I have resisted Him?

CLEAN_C: It must be. If you do not honour your father and mother, grandmother and grandfather, or even your father-in-law and mother-in-law, the Bible says your lifetime on earth will be short and full of bad days. If dishonouring your mother or father is bad enough to make your days on earth short and miserable, can you imagine how bad a sin it must be when you to dishonour your God and to resist Him in front of people?

DIRTY_C: Is that what the Bible says or is it just an idea of yours?

CLEAN_C: That is what the Bible says. And it says you will not live for long if you do not honour your parents.

DIRTY_C: Oh, if that is true I am sure I will live for a very short time! I hated my father! He died a while ago and he used to beat my mother till the day he died. The day before he died, he did beat her for the last time.

CLEAN_C: I understand. The only way to cease being bitter about it is to cleanse your whole life. Only then can your heart be helped to change. Until then, you will be angry and bitter every time your mind or feelings are challenged or tempted by the devil.

DIRTY_C: Please, don’t tell me again I need to clean my life. It is not the best day to keep repeating it to me.

CLEAN_C: Any day is good enough to hear this. You should never resent the idea of becoming spotless before God and to change your status in the eyes of heaven.

DIRTY_C: Is there anything else you need to tell me, anything that I am able to understand?

CLEAN_C: The only problem with a bad spirit is that it takes only itself into consideration. It seems to be blinded to anything else. It turns anyone into a very selfish, blinded mule.

DIRTY_C: Please, stop annoying me. I am not a very patient person today.

CLEAN_C: Ok. I am sorry to hear about that. I will leave if my conversation annoys you. I can’t change the subject and there is nothing else we can talk about besides what I consider very important talking about at this point.

DIRTY_C: Please, don’t go!

CLEAN_C: Why shouldn’t I?

DIRTY_C: Explain to me what I should do to be in a better mood today.

CLEAN_C: Have you heard about John the Baptist?

DIRTY_C: Yes, I have.

CLEAN_C: Do you know what he came to do on earth?

DIRTY_C: Didn’t he come to prepare the way for the Lord?

CLEAN_C: Yes, He did. But, in what sense did he do that? He came to fix men’s hearts for God to live in them. His mission was to prepare man to receive Jesus once He came. They had to be receptive when the Lord came or the earth would be cursed. Remember how Zachariah, the father of John, was cursed for more than nine months because he was not prepared enough to believe the Lord and to receive His word without questioning it? He was caught by surprise and was not prepared to believe the angel sent to him. He knew the Scriptures, he knew how God gave Sara and Abraham a son in their old age. Yet, he did not believe it for himself.

DIRTY_C:  How was he cursed because of it?

CLEAN_C: He could not speak until he could find a heart which could be filled with the Spirit of God, even though he was an active and faithful believer in his time. And this is what the Bible said about John, his son, four hundred years before: “Behold, I am sending you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the sons, and the heart of the sons to their fathers, that I not come and strike the earth with utter destruction”, Mal.4:5-6. Zachariah, John' father, should be able to believe anything could happen to anyone and he could just be the one chosen to fulfil Scripture. It can happen to anyone of us. All of us should be a ready people for the Lord, expecting anything from Him, either great or small. We should be able to do both at any time.

DIRTY_C: And to prepare the heart means people should repent and confess their sins?

CLEAN_C: That is what he came to do: to convince people of that. That would cause people to be prepared for what came next. However, there are many other sins which cause us to be unprepared people. This means that people would change by confessing their sins and by coming back to God. Not that the confession of their sins was the preparation, but that it would turn it possible for them to be made ready for the Lord to carry on with His work. John prepares the people for Jesus, Jesus prepares the people for the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit prepares the people for heaven.

DIRTY_C: Did they really change by confessing?

CLEAN_C: It made them be in the proper spirit and mood to receive the Lord when He came to work further in them.

DIRTY_C: Confessing our sins changes our mood as well, then?

CLEAN_C: Yes, it does. Of course it does. In fact, it is sin which is able to change our mood for the worst things we can think of. By exterminating sin form us and from our consciences, we become normal and come back to the Lord. Light has that power: to make us fit for heaven and for Jesus. We must be according to Him when He comes. We all know that what John came to do, was to put people in a state of heart which was according to God's by putting them, at first, face to face with their sins. He would do that “to make ready a people prepared for the Lord”, Luc.1:16,17. Later, the same people would be put face to face with the Lord. By cleansing their lives and their past and present sins, they could be made a ready people for the Lord. It means their heart would be found in the proper mood and would accept the Lord the way He is. By clinging to sin, we shall only accept a Lord of our imaginations and reject the true one. By confessing their sins and by putting their lives right with the Lord and people, the heart of people could be found in the disposition the Lord would like to find in them. Unfortunately, Jesus came to many He considered as His people and they did not receive Him because they were not “a prepared people for the Lord”, John 1:11. And the Lord did not curse the earth because there were some who accepted Him the way He is. When John talked, even the Pharisees listened to Him. They wouldn’t mind hearing John addressing them as “vipers” and suchlike things. Most of them did not resent it. It was amazing. He must have been an amazing preacher.

DIRTY_C: And why wouldn’t those Pharisees turn their backs on him?

CLEAN_C: They saw the truth of his words and that he did not speak out of bitterness, but rather out of truth. I believe John was a very meek person. Only a meek person could speak the truth the way he spoke, using words anyone would consider offensive were they spoken by any other man. His intention had not been to hurt people, but rather to tell them the truth about themselves in the most plain and short way.

DIRTY_C: And did they repent?

CLEAN_C: I am sure many of them repented and many became a ready people for the Lord. If that did not happen, the earth would have been greatly cursed. Many people made their peace with God and people. Even some roman soldiers did.

DIRTY_C: I see. So, in your view, that is what I must do now so that my heart and mood may change and accept the Lord the way He is and His ways. After I confess al my sins, I will experience a good mood?

CLEAN_C: I believe you will. Of course you will. But, you will still need to stay truthful to it. I believe, many times a bad spirit is mostly a consequence of sin. When it is not the cause, it is the consequence.

DIRTY_C: And if it is the cause, what then?

CLEAN_C: When it is the very cause, you shall need to ask for forgiveness and apologize to people and the Lord Jesus. However, consequences may easily become causes as well. If you hurt people because you already have a bad spirit in you, you will still need to apologize to them. Sin breeds sin, and sin breeds the heart that breeds sin. You need to near people and apologize to them.

DIRTY_C: That doesn’t sound good. Suppose the thought of praying in front of someone assaults me again?

CLEAN_C: It would be good to pray in front of them then, as if they weren’t there at all. Just be conscious of God and your sins will be forgiven.

DIRTY_C: Perhaps, I would prefer to be in a bad mood my whole life! I don’t think I am a prepared people to pray in front of people, much less to pray about my own sins in front of them!

CLEAN_C: Well, it is up to you! There is only one thing which puzzles me about you. When you yell at people and reveal to them your bad temper, you don’t feel ashamed of it, right? Why would you feel ashamed of praying with them?

DIRTY_C: That’s a good point you have there! I wouldn’t know. Why?

CLEAN_C: Next time, simply refuse to be aware of “praying in front of them” and pray! Just pray and that’s it! Why would you in an inner battle between praying or not praying? Just do it! That would be an eye for an eye of your previous sinful attitude! Wouldn’t it?

DIRTY_C: What do you mean?

CLEAN_C: When you become angry and feel like yelling at people, you do that without blinking an eye or even wavering, right? You just do it! So, next time you just pray! The way you would reveal anger, now pray. It must be an eye for an eye of your previous behaviour. Then, people would believe you have changed. That would be a testimony to them as well, and it would never be like those times when you say you have changed and people doubt the truthfulness of your statement! You won’t need to tell people you have changed because they will be aware of it themselves!

DIRTY_C: I suppose so. But, if that is the only way to make it acceptable to the Lord, I don’t think I will ever be able to do it. I think shame would have the upper hand all the time! The first natural reaction would simply be to feel ashamed.

CLEAN_C: Ashamed of what? Of the Lord and of praying to Him? Why would you consider it a shameful act? Anger and a being in a bad mood should make you more ashamed and not praying to the living God! Don’t you think so?

DIRTY_C: The way you talk about it makes it seem very simple and easy to do it!

CLEAN_C: It is simple and easy enough! How can you consider yourself prepared for heaven if you are not prepared to live out truth and love? How can you love the Lord after you die if you do not love Him now? I don’t believe a bad temper will be fit to enter heaven, and nor shall a heart which is given to a bad temper be prepared for the Life up there. Jesus said that whoever is ashamed of Him and of any righteous deed in this crooked generation, the Father shall be ashamed of him in return. Don’t you consider it a serious warning, especially if you are someone who thinks about experiencing heaven one day, or even experience heavenly virtues and its fruit right now? How can you ever have peace in your heart when the Lord is not at peace with you?  How, do you think, will the Lord feel when you are ashamed of Him and His good ways in front of a crooked generation such as this?

DIRTY_C: So, God will never accept me into heaven, right? Unless I change He won’t even look at me.

CLEAN_C: Yes, that’s right. How can you think that to be ashamed of God is a minor issue? How can you be ashamed of doing the right thing the way it ought to be done?

DIRTY_C: It is too difficult for me to do it that way. Can’t you see?

CLEAN_C: I am not able to see what is so difficult about any part of it at all! Which part of it is too hard for you? It is much easier to do the right thing than the wrong one, isn’t it? And how can you ever believe you are forgiven by people if you do not go back to them to ask for their forgiveness? Can you speak for them on their behalf? How can it be possible? How can you ever think you will ever enter heaven if there is someone who has something against, or you against someone? Can you explain that to me? What kind of forgiveness is that, the one that you attribute to yourself? Shouldn’t it be the people telling you they have forgiven you? Why is it you telling yourself you have been forgiven? Isn’t that a way to avoid pleading for forgiveness? Believing you have been forgiven is an excuse and not an assurance. It cannot be seen as a truthful attitude from you.

DIRTY_C: Can you guarantee that I will gain another mood after I have confessed all my sins? I don’t think you can!

CLEAN_C: Of course it will happen! But you must consider being ashamed of God as sin as well. In fact, it is a very bad sin! The truth is, your bad temper might reach its own death as soon as you have cleansed your whole life.

DIRTY_C: How can it be? Why would it work out that way?

CLEAN_C: The main cause for heaviness and for a bad spirit in us is the separation from the Lord. Just as the cause for bad breath is from eating food, and just as cleaning your teeth solves the problem, so it works with sin when we eat it and when we cleanse our hearts. He is our peace. Our heart is of the bitter kind as long as it stays far away from Him. If you are bitter, it means you are not near Him, whatever you think of it or of yourself. God is the one your heart needs, and it can feel at home and at peace only with Him, or through Him. Any heart away from the Lord feels like a duck in dry, hot desert far from water. Even if the duck was born in the desert, he will remain unfulfilled until he finds water. In the desert is where we can come to a point we can’t believe anymore. We won’t accept what we resent and won’t wish to experience the nearness of Him against whom we have sinned greatly. Our hearts will always feel like rejecting anything it does not know. The hatred is proportional to the love we should have and which we have lost forever. The hatred of a betrayed wife shall always be proportional to the amount of love she had for her husband. And any sinner always feels betrayed by the Lord. It makes him bitter and unprepared to receive Him as He is. That is where bitterness comes from - mainly from there!

DIRTY_C: It is hard to believe that works that way, isn’t it?

CLEAN_C: Jesus also granted us a good example by telling us about going the second mile when people demand one mile of us. By going through to the end of the second mile, you not only show yourself there is nothing wrong with doing the opposite of what the flesh commands us to do, but your enemies will see you are not a person who refuses to do and you are someone who is not proud like them. Your enemies will, also, be easily convicted of their evil against you. That we can consider as true love. And, if you really walk the second mile, sooner or later you won’t even be aware of what it is the second mile!

DIRTY_C: I understand. You mean that by obeying the Lord’s commandments my heart is changed along the way. And those evil people are instruments which are used to have it established.

CLEAN_C: That is right. But, for it to work out perfectly, you need to be in communion with God and the Abundant Life needs to be real in you. When we are not clean before God, the second mile will be sacrifice and will puff the heart up if we walk it. It won’t be an act of love, but of sacrifice or even of revenge. The heart we have may change, or it may be maintained if it has already changed, by walking near the Lord. You should be so intimate with the Lord that to be more intimate should be impossible. Unless we share in that kind of fellowship, our hearts will be pending to evil and to think of self. Then, the heart will also be bitter and in a continual bad mood. “Your way and your doings have brought these things on you; this is your evil, because it is bitter, because it reaches to the heart” Jer.4:18.

DIRTY_C: It is really hard to believe that this is how things work.  

CLEAN_C: It really works that way. Why, do you think, did John say you shall love you neighbour if and when you really love the Lord with the whole of your heart in a most spontaneous way?

DIRTY_C: I don’t know! You are the one who knows the Bible! According to you I wouldn’t know, right? I am separated from the Lord and can’t know these things at all. I also have a bitter heart because I am not closely related to the Lord and do not walk with Him. According to your views, people may do anything against me and I must sleep in peace about it! I should live as if their evil is my fault! Do you really believe those ideas will ever enter my mind? Why do you keep picking on me? Won’t you please let me alone for a change?

CLEAN_C: It is very hard for you to struggle against the pricks. If you look at these things from a bitter point of view, I mean, if you muse on them having a bitter heart still in you, it is obvious you won’t love the people who harm you. But, these things you have been listening to are precious jewels of truth. I pray I haven’t thrown them into the pigsty. When Jesus says we should never throw our pearls to the pigs, He meant that we should not sow while the heart is bitter and annoyed. But, I feel there is no other way to get your heart changed unless it is through truth. Unfortunately, you are not like those Pharisees who listened to John even after he said they were vipers of the worst kind. I believe, had you another kind of heart in you, you would rejoice in all the things I have tried to explain with great care and concern.

DIRTY_C: In other words, to have the kind of heart which accepts all you have been saying, I need to bring all my past and present sins to the light? Is that how it all starts? Can’t it start any other way? Did those Pharisees become “a prepared people” easily, did they get a heart without bitterness after they had confessed?

CLEAN_C: That is what the Bible says! But, you shall experience it only if you start cleaning up. Just try it! Stop listening to what a bitter heart says you should do. Just start cleaning and never mind how you feel! What is so hard about it? God will add the rest. He shall give the peace you need, to go further and further. Do not wait until you feel like cleaning up. Just do it! You cannot wait until your heart stops being bitter, because it won’t. It can’t because it is separated from the Lord. Why do you keep postponing bringing your sins to the light?

DIRTY_C: Is that what John came to do? He came to put people in a good mood so they would accept the Lord?

CLEAN_C: That is what I believe he came to do.

DIRTY_C: They needed to get that kind of heart before they could accept Christ’s teaching and life?

CLEAN_C: Yes, the heart would need to be reconciled to the Lord and be at peace with Him, especially when His presence is real. “Would two and two walk together unless they are agreed?” Amos 3:3.

DIRTY_C: I have great difficulty accepting that as truth. Maybe it is just an interpretation of the Bible coming from you.

CLEAN_C: No, it is not a mere interpretation. It is really what the Bible is trying to tell us we should do!

DIRTY_C: Where does it say we shall be taken into a good mood by confessing all our sins openly?

CLEAN_C: “And he shall turn many of the sons of Israel to the Lord their God; And he shall go before Him in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to the children, and the disobedient to the wisdom of the just, to make ready a people prepared for the Lord”, Luc.1:16,17. When people are prepared and ready it means people are ready and expectant for what must come next because they are clean. Being clean breeds hope in us.

DIRTY_C: Is that what it says there?

CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. Of course it is. You mistrust me to the point of thinking I would misquote the Bible? If your Bible is well translated, that is what it says.

DIRTY_C: So, it is my heart which is bitter because it is separated from the Lord?

CLEAN_C: Yes, it is. You are feeling bitter because the heart is bitter. And don’t think your heart will change if you change circumstances or something else. It won’t, because the heart you have will go with you wherever you go and will defile whatever you touch along the way.

DIRTY_C: Even if I change my job it won’t help? Or, let’s say, if I change town and stop seeing you?

CLEAN_C: Changing job or place won’t change a thing. Your heart will always go along everywhere you go. Perhaps, your heart will be asleep or hibernating for a while because circumstances have changed, but soon that bear will rise out of its sleep again and will come out of the cave of darkness. You need to have a change of heart before you may change place or job! And the heart starts changing by putting all our sins in the light and by starting to regain that special fellowship with the Lord we should have never lost.

DIRTY_C: Why?

CLEAN_C: Because the heart you have will go with you everywhere, and so shall a changed heart. If you change beforehand, where you go, you will go as a changed person. Don't wait until you change church, place or job. Change now, right where you are! Let the new man change place, if he needs to. The he will continue to be new wherever he goes. A bitter heart or a bad temper is the first consequence of a separation from the Lord. I advise you, right away, not to carry on the way you are because that sort of bitterness will create patterns of bitter behaviour which will soon pass on as acceptable and as normal to you. That is the main reason why most people never acknowledge sin as sin. They have never experienced holiness before. Had they experienced holiness fro real, they would be able to differentiate between sin and holiness!

(Introduction)(Dial.1)(Dial.2)(Dial.3)(Dial.4)(Dial.5)(Dial.6)(Dial.7)(Dial.8)(Dial.9)(Dial.10)

(Dial.11)(Dial.12)(Dial.13)(Dial.14)(Dial.15)(Dial.16)(Dial.17)DIALOGUE 18(Dial.19)(Dial.20)